Oh the places you’ll go [by yourself]!
5 THINGS SOLO TRAVEL TAUGHT ME
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5 THINGS SOLO TRAVEL TAUGHT ME 〰️
I recently found myself in conversation with a couple of strangers (this is common for me).
Our topic? World travels.
I shared with them that back in 2017 I planned my first solo international trip and went to the Netherlands, Ireland, Switzerland, and Austria – yes, all by myself. (And, not to mention, all under $3,000 – more on that later).
I don’t recall people being appalled, shocked, or startled by this at the time – and I suppose I’m grateful for the unwavering support. But since then, responses have included awe, admiration, and trepidation when I tell people about the solo travel I’ve done over the years, but especially this 2-week long solo trip to Europe.
I planned the trip because I wanted to be able to create a milestone reward for myself to mark the financial sacrifices and obstacles I cleared. I’d also never taken a vacation longer than one week (which was also rare, I am the queen of the Long Weekend).
As someone who came out of college with crippling credit card debt, this was no small accomplishment. The state of the job market overall, working for a non-profit, plus the debt I accrued when I became a young divorcee – all were working against me. Did I mention student loans?
DISCLAIMER
I’d like to acknowledge that solo travel is a privilege, and that not everyone has an appetite to experience solo travel – which is okay!
According to the American Communities Project, 56% of American adults have a passport. Despite some of the disadvantages I grew up with, I’ve carried a passport since the age of 10 when I traveled to Mexico with my mom and sister to visit our extended family. Outside of the logistical tolls that are associated with getting a passport, you’ll spend almost $200 and about 12 weeks waiting for yours to arrive via mail. This usually involves a visit to the drugstore for your iconic passport photo, and a scheduled in-person visit to complete paperwork and submit proof that you are who you are – and that you’re not behind on child support or have any warrants out for your arrest. It’s definitely an intricate process.
On top of that, there are obvious privileges that solo travel requires, even if you’re traveling domestically.
Solo travel is more costly upfront – you’re not splitting hotels, excursions, gas, tacos, trinkets, or a bottle of wine. All of these costs are shouldered by one person, and one person alone. There’s also the added cost for things you might buy as a solo traveler, that you may not if you were traveling with others (like this personal safety alarm from She’s Birdie).
5 THINGS
It’s estimated that solo travelers make up 11% of the overall travel market, but we’ve noticed that searches for single-traveler flights are 36% higher in 2023 than they were in 2022 according to Condor Ferries. What I find interesting is that they’ve also reported that 84% of solo travelers are women. They argue that the COVID-19 pandemic directly effected people’s appetite for solo travel because of the sustained loss of freedom, independence, and control while the worst of the pandemic was underway.
According to this 2021 study by Statista, the #1 reason why people do solo travel is because they want to see the world but don’t want to wait for others. Behind that most common reason, other people said factors included: timing/logistical reasons (56%), chasing a sense of freedom/independence (48%), desire to meet new people (42%), personal growth (41%), having different interests than their friends (36%) and/or having a partner with a different appetite for travel (11%).
Transparently, so many folks have done research on this new “trend” of solo travel, and the numbers aren’t always consistent. What is clear, though, is that people are traveling solo now more than ever.
Data aside, I want to share five things that I’ve learned because of my solo-travels over the years. My hope is that articulating these experiences will empower you to treat yourself (and challenge yourself) to plan a solo trip – even if you don’t leave the state you live in. It won’t be all rainbows and butterflies, but I’m sure you’ll catch glimpses of both.
Travel for the sake of travel.
I once believed that travel was a means to an end, not an end itself.
Before my solo europe trip, most of my travel experience was with family and often for a specific purpose like spending the holidays with our cousins, weddings and funerals, extra-curricular sporting and singing events, and there was also that one time in high school I traveled around Lake Michigan to journalism camp.
My memory isn’t the best, but the earliest memory I do have of traveling for “no particular reason” is when my bestie and I drove from Chattanooga, TN through the rolling mountains of North Carolina and back through a place called Ducktown, TN on a random Sunday afternoon. It was that trip that unknowingly marked a new kind of travel I hadn’t experienced before: the kind of travel you do “just because.”
For some, I imagine that the anxiety induced by traveling alone might compel you to schedule every single moment – but you don’t have to. In fact, the only scheduling that was set in stone for my Europe trip was the flights in and out of Amsterdam, and the Airbnbs I stayed in along the way. Every single day was a blank canvas – I had no end goal, objectives, or measures of success I was beholden to.You’ll learn how to make sense out of chaos and simultaneously strengthen your tolerance for ambiguity and risk.
And the way you’re going to do that is by being forced to navigate public transportation systems.
I know it’s tempting to use rideshare when you’re in a new city for the first time (I’ve done it), but some of my best travel stories came from times I had to get myself un-lost while dragging my overweight baggage on to and off of every train in New York City’s underground rat party.
Despite living in Philly for the last 4 years, most of my life has been spent in small towns and mid-sized cities: Waukesha, WI, Lookout Mountain, GA, and Chattanooga, TN. In order to get around any of these places, you had to own or have access to a vehicle. There was a free shuttle in Chattanooga but that would only get you so far.
Transportation systems were (and still are) overwhelming, but something quite empowering happens when you give yourself as much time as you want and need to read all the maps, download the transit apps, and not spend $40 for a one-way fare that lasts just 19 minutes minutes.
PRO TIP: I recommend that when you do travel (alone or with others), use your arrival day as an “Orientation Day” of sorts so that you can explore local transit without the pressure of arriving anywhere by any set time. It’s totally okay to wander, here. In fact – the more wandering the better.Speaking of wandering, traveling alone has made me realize how much time is actually held in a day.
When I’ve traveled with others, I’ve noticed that there’s more of a natural focus on trying to make sure that the group allots time and effort to each person’s interests equally. This means that there might be large blocks of time when I happen to be doing something or eating somewhere or exploring some place that I wouldn’t have elected on my own.
Now, this can actually be a great thing – so don’t get me wrong! But as a Recovering People Pleaser, solo travel has become more precious to me as I grow older because it acts as a natural buffer and makes it easier for me to identify and follow my own tuition, impulses, and intrigues.
Without a travel companion in sight, I get to plan (or not plan) each day (from start to finish) the way I like – this can include as much or as little time in museums, on hikes, immersed in the smells and tastes of a new city.
And turns out – when you are the only person who gets to choose how each minute is spent, there are a lot of minutes to play with.You’ll meet the locals.
When I travel with friends, the encounters I’ve had with the locals have been less frequent, and have never been super intentional.
Traveling alone, I believe, is something that forces your eyes to be open to things you might be too distracted to see otherwise. Instead of feeling the pressure to make the most of the moments you’re co-creating with travel companions, you’re more prone to linger a little while with the folks you come into contact with naturally – locals, or other travelers.
One of my favorite memories like this was chatting with a bartender in downtown Copenhagen before flying out to Scotland later that night. What I learned about Denmark in that conversation alone – about their government, their taxes, the way they take care of their people, and their education systems – was beyond special and gave me so much more than if I’d read something about it in a museum or pamphlet.
And for me, travel has helped me to understand that I care to learn more about the people and the lives they live now vs. studying the lives and times of people who have long since left us (this doesn’t mean I’m anti-history, just that I’m more naturally curious about the history unfolding before our eyes).You’ll find more comfort in your own company.
In spite of being a total social outcast in elementary and (most of) middle school, I managed to grow some social skills around the time I got my driver’s license. Coincidence? I think not.
I’d say that I’ve always derived comfort from being surrounded by people. Over time, the desire I have to spend time with/around people has lessened, and the time I like to spend on my own has mirrored the growth trajectory of the Grinch’s heart.
I attribute this largely to the amount of travel I was forced to do alone (for work), then chose to do alone ever since.
There’s nothing inherently wrong or even “better” about either one, but I’d say the goal is to be content either way. Spending time alone has been uncomfortable at times because what do you do with all the silence?!
First things first, “people watching” is 100% free and a hobby I take very seriously.
Second things second – I dare anyone to grab a book and take yourself to dinner sometime next week. No travel, no tolls, no planning other than making sure the spot you pick hasn’t been reported for health violations recently.
Not only does this mean you get the tableside guac all to yourself, but I’ve found that the waitstaff is more attentive to me when I’ve been traveling solo. I still have a piece of receipt paper that a waiter gave to me, with several recommendations for places to visit while I was in town.
But on a serious note – if you’re anything like me, traveling alone will provoke a lot of deep reflection. I like this because oftentimes I don’t create enough time to stop, reflect, and inquire within when I’m in my most comfortable environment (home).
Being in new or different places forces me to think back on conversations, big (and small) life events, relationships, conflicts, and even the hopes and goals I’ve set for myself. Travel unlocks my imagination and provokes me to think:What would my life look like if I lived here?
Now, I will say that if you’re doing a solo trip and every single hour is scheduled out you may not encounter as much deep reflection, but you’ll still be forced to accept and adjust to the discomfort of trying something new, and choosing to embrace something outside of your natural comfort zone.
Turns out that when you remove the comforts that you surround yourself with, you’re forced to find comfort in what you’ve brought along with you – you.
CONCLUSION
In spite of the fears I held about traveling by myself, the benefits far outweigh the costs when it comes to prioritizing solo travel. It’s also taught me how to better advocate for myself when I’m traveling with others so that I can do more of what I like to do, and less of what I don’t.
So, what I’d really like to know is —
