Unemployment Grief
Lately I’ve been grieving the adventure, autonomy, and security that being employed full-time offered me.
⏳ Sure, I was often working 40+ hours.
✈️ Yes, I was traveling (sometimes) thousands of miles in a week.
🛌 And yep, the time I spent doing the work and getting to the place to do the work left me exhausted.
What’s been more exhausting as of late is the pain of worrying about how (and when) I will find the work I need in order to meet my own very basic needs: shelter, health insurance, food. That’s where I’m at.
I haven’t lived in this “scarcity” space for 10+ years now since I was making $11/hour right out of college, and boy oh boy is it horrible.
I know others have been unemployed long before I ever experienced it.
And I know many of you have experienced the self-scrutiny of unemployment for longer stretches than I have.
Gosh, I wish this wasn’t the case for any of us.
The agony of this season has made me feel so grateful for a three things in particular (when I had them, now that I don’t):
Adventure 🌋– because of my work, I was able to witness the Grand Canyon, meet up with a friend in Malibu, and even see my brother in Vancouver, BC between client visits. I learned through my work that I enjoy traveling alone quite a bit.
Autonomy 🧳 – the freedom to move to a new city! I’d been toying with the idea of relocating so that I could grow career-wise. While that did happen eventually once I moved to Philly, I am grateful that I had the flexibility to be based out of anywhere that had access to an airport.
Security 🔓 – because I was able to meet my very basic needs, I was also able to put away money for my future. Giving gifts is also one of my love languages, and I have appreciated the chance to give from my overflowing cup, whenever I can.
At the end of the day, I choose to believe that the work I’m doing now is (unknowingly) getting me to where I need to be next, and not a minute sooner – though for once I’d be okay arriving early. 🙃
For those of you who are in the boat with me – scoot closer, honey. It’s cold out here. 🥶
[Pictured: me on a work trip, scoping out apartments in Philadelphia, PA. This spot is the one that I would later call my 1st “home” in this new-to-me city back in October 2019.]
