The one thing everyone wants for their birthday

I know it sounds too good to be true, but there really only is one thing that you need to do in order to make a birthday special for someone that’s special to you. 

Some might say it’s a sheet cake.

Others may argue that it’s a luxurious vacation.

Heck, there was even a time I believed that a bouquet of balloons and/or flowers was the surefire way to make someone feel absolutely adored on their birthday. Turns out, that’s me. I want all the balloons. And I want every single flower on the planet.

But something I recently realized was that the one thing everyone *actually* needs on their birthday is to be celebrated on their own terms.

Every year, I get a birthday card from a family member that I’m not particularly close with. The birthday card always looks like it was hand-selected from a pile of Hallmark designs that were purchased in bulk back in 1982, and it’s signed with a simple:

“With love, XXX.”

Each year, I’ve noticed within myself an odd feeling of sadness as I unseal the predictable birthday card and observe the empty and impersonal insides.

But something new happened this year. And to be fair, I’m sure I got this question in some form as a kid back when my mom was planning themed birthday parties and baking the cakes to match.

But someone who’s demonstrated a genuine care for how I experience this world recently asked:

What would make your birthday feel special? What things, experiences, gifts, or tastes would make you feel seen and loved and cherished on your birthday?

Have I been unconsciously waiting for someone to ask this question my entire life? In that moment, it felt like it. The second this question was asked, it all seemed so simple to me.

“Balloons,” I said.

“Balloons?” they asked.

“Balloons.”

Some people like to be surprised, other people like to be alone, and some people like to go about their birthdays as if it’s any other day of the year.

Last year, all I wanted was solitude and silence. I didn’t even answer a single phone call the day of my birthday. I wanted these things because I had lost myself in another person by confusing their wants and needs and desires as mine.

A few years before that, I found myself in a season of life where everything felt predictable. That year, I wanted to be surprised. 

So much of my life hangs in the air, and there’s been a shift away from the predictable towards the unknown. So what I really want this year? Is to know what the day will behold. To be given the chance to name my needs, my wants, and my hopes. And to have those things be met with exactness, and care.

While it’s safe to say that the consistent thread between each and every birthday is a handful of peonies, the only way we can make someone’s birthday the best it can be at that exact moment in their life is by assuming less, and asking more. We can invest our time and resources and words into the vehicles of love that our birthday babes want the most by simply asking how they crave to receive it in the first place.